14 Day Relationship Challenge – Days 8 through 14

October 15, 2015October 17, 2015 | FASHION du jour

marriage conversations

14 Day Relationship Challenge

Days 8-14 at a glance

For those of you who like to know what’s to come, or if you’re playing catch-up. Here’s the list of remaining challenges.

Your Girl,

MARRIAGE CONVERSATIONS | 14 DAY RELATIONSHIPS CHALLENGE – DAY 11

October 15, 2015November 11, 2015 | FASHION du jour

14 DAY RELATIONSHIPS CHALLENGE – DAY 11

CHALLENGE: What’s most important to you in your relationship with your spouse?

Today’s task is not about money. It’s not about the kid’s education. It’s not about the roof over your head. It’s about you and what you need to feel fulfilled in your marriage relationship. Understand, that there is only one who can be your everything and that is God, but God gives us a helpmate to meet some of our natural needs as well.

Spend some time in prayer and talking to yourself. Once you’ve prayed and identified at least 3 things, talk to your spouse. Pose the question to him|her (without expectation of an immediate answer) and share what your 3 things are. Remember, your approach and attitude is very important because we don’t want our spouses to feel like they are being attacked. As we grow, our marriage grows so the goal here is simply to express some your needs so that your spouse is not left to assume your needs are being met. COMMUNICATION! This exercise is 3-fold. The first part of this exercise is to help you draw some conclusions about what you really need in this stage of your marriage. The second part of this exercise is to understand the needs and expectations your spouse has of you. The third part of this exercise is to realize that, try as he|she might, your spouse cannot possibly meet every single one of your needs and so there are some things you must release to God.

PRAYER

Dear God, I ask you to come into our hearts as we pray for understanding. Help us first seek to understand and then to be understood. Help us to know that there is no one but you who can meet every one of our needs. Help us not to set unfair expectations of our spouses. Help us to be able to meet our spouses needs and communicate in a loving way. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

OBSERVATION

This challenge helped me to step back and reassess somethings. It helped me to look at my children and husband in a different way. I began to ask myself, what are the things I should be doing for myself to make me a better wife and mother. How should I be setting and example to my daughters and sone of the role of a wife. The sum of these things are what really matter in life.

How to join? That’s up to you! It’s completely your choice how you participate in this challenge. Truly, what matters to me is that you are putting these prompts into action prayerfully and intentionally. I want you to see the fruits of your labor when it’s all said and done. Here’s how you can follow along: (1) Check back here to find the daily prompt along with my encouragement, prayer and observations from the previous day. (2) Check out my Instagram where you’ll also see the daily prompts and can engage other participants. (3) Watch the live Periscope episodes over the course of these 14 days where you’ll find me talking about my observations in addition to tackling a Marriage Conversations Topic. Finally, (4) you’ll find a video dedicated to this challenge, with all the details and each day spelled out for you. This is in case you’re catching this on the 15th day and you really want to participate. The beauty is there’s no such thing as a late start. Anytime is a great time to start doing these things in your relationships. #MARRIAGECONVERSATIONS

Your Girl,

MARRIAGE CONVERSATIONS | 14 DAY RELATIONSHIPS CHALLENGE – DAY 10

October 14, 2015October 17, 2015 | FASHION du jour

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14 DAY RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGE DAY 10

CHALLENGE: REMEMBER THE FIRST KISS – DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR FIRST KISS? WERE YOU NERVOUS? DID YOU HAVE BUTTERFLIES? TALK ABOUT IT.

I have a sneaking suspicion that you don’t remember the what, when and where of your first kiss with your spouse. Juuust a feeling I have. Why is that? Why is it that there are some things that just seem to fall through life’s cracks. We know they happened because we can remember how we felt, but we don’t remember the tiny details. And that, my friends, is the point of this challenge. I want you to talk about your first kiss, you first date, etc. and drum up those sweet memories and feelings back when skies were blue and bird were chirping. LOL This conversation and resulting good feelings feed your emotional bank accounts, which we should be doing on a regular basis.

PRAYER

Dear God, I pray that this challenge will help our relationships to grow stronger. I ask that you come into our hearts and help us to continue to love our spouses as you command us to. Help us to realize that unlike financial bank accounts, our emotional bank accounts cannot operate in the negative. God we know you are our emotional overdraft protection, but it is not your plan that we should find our marriages in a point of desperation where we are crying out to you for mercy because we did not follow your commands for us. I thank you for hearing this prayer and blessing us. In Jesus’ name. Amen

OBSERVATION

To be continued…

Your Girl,

MARRIAGE CONVERSATIONS | 14 DAY RELATIONSHIPS CHALLENGE – DAY 9

October 13, 2015October 17, 2015 | FASHION du jour

marriage conversations

14 DAY RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGE DAY 9

CHALLENGE: PRAY WITH YOUR SPOUSE: DON’T LET YOUR FEELINGS GET IN THE WAY.

Many of you have been praying with your spouse for days, months and years. You have a dedicated, strong prayer life and there’s not a day that goes by that you’re not praying together for someone or something. If that’s you, continue praying but this post is not for you.

This post is for those of you whom praying together isn’t something you’ve done in a while, if ever. This is for those of you who feel too ashamed to pray because you recognize the role you’ve played in the seemingly unsalvagable state of your marriage, and you feel like, God just doesn’t bless people like you. This post is for those who have begun to feel like God no longers hears your prayers and although you keep hoping that your husband will make you a priority, hoping that your wife will finally get her act together, hoping that you will finally be able to trust your spouse again…deep down inside you feel like you’re at the end of your rope and God can’t possibly fix the complicated mess your marriage has become. Keep reading.

Faith isn’t something you’re born with. Why? Because like muscles, faith isn’t something that can be realized without exercise (work) and prayer. 2 Corinthians 5:7 says, “walk by faith and not by sight” but if you train yourself to see God’s miracle in the little things, walking by faith won’t feel so hard. Think of all the “little” things God has done in your life. Thank God for your noisy kids who have the health and strength to play. Thank God for that beat up hooptie that keeps getting you to and from work each and every day. Thank God for those raggedy tennis shoes that you can slide your feet into all by your self and the worn out laces you can tie all by yourself. Thank God for the noisy washing machine that keeps cleaning your clothes night after night. Thank God for the fact that you were able to open your eyes this morning and find yourself in your RIGHT mind. When you begin to testify in prayer to the “little” things that God does in our lives, you will find that your faith in God’s ability to do the “big” things, like restore your marriage, are in His reach. God brought you this far. Do you really think He’s going to leave you now? If you don’t have a healthy prayer life, you will not have a healthy marriage. Today, I challenge you to let go of those discouraging thoughts. Grab your spouse by the hands and pray.

PRAYER

Dear God, Your word tell us that we are to always pray and not faint. Help us to remember that all things are little in your sight. Help us to realize that we should never be ashamed to talk to you. Soften our hearts so that we can unite in prayer with our spouses and lay our discouragement, doubt, trust issues, at your feet. We love you God and we thank you. Amen.

OBSERVATIONS

to be continued…

Your Girl,

MARRIAGE CONVERSATIONS|14 DAY RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGE – DAY 8

October 12, 2015October 17, 2015 | FASHION du jour

Copy of MARRIAGE (3)

14 DAY RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGE DAY 8

CHALLENGE: Say “I’m Sorry!” Offer a sincere apology to your spouse for a specific thing you said or did or DIDN’T say or do.

Two of the hardest, yet most powerful words in marriage are “I’m sorry!” Why is that? Why is it so hard for us to admit when we’re wrong? Why is it so hard for us to humble ourselves and confess our wrongdoings…even to our spouses? Pride. Embarrassment. Shame. None of these characteristics are what God wants for our marriages.

It is my belief and experience, that God allows us to have these feelings of pride, embarrassment and shame to create in us a sense of urgency and pain. When we feel pain in our bodies, it’s an indicator that something is wrong and we need help. God uses our pain to point us toward Him. Ask anyone, no one likes the feeling of embarrassment or shame. These are some of the deepest and hardest feeling to escape. They burden our minds and take over our being. Having a sense of “pride” stemming from self-righteousness is also burdensome because while your big-bad proud persona tells the world one thing, deep inside your struggle with insecurity, your desire to “one-up” any and everyone you encounter and your need for constant validation, tells a different story.

Sincere apology is one tool God has gives us to deepen our relationships, build trust through vulnerability and create a spirit of humility within us. Offer your apologies freely, but sincerely.

PRAYER

Dear God, continue to help us to be mindful in our marriages. Use us to demonstrate your love in our actions toward our spouses. Help us also to realize the power of forgiveness in our marriage. Amen

CONCLUSION

To be continued..

Your Girl,

MARRIAGE CONVERSATIONS|14 DAY RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGE – DAY 7

October 11, 2015October 17, 2015 | FASHION du jour

Day7

14 DAY RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGE DAY 7

CHALLENGE: DINE SOME PLACE NEW. TAKE YOUR SPOUSE TO A NEW RESTAURANT AND CHOOSE EACH OTHER’S MEAL.

Experiencing something new is typically something you don’t forget. Likely, you remember your first kiss, your first A, your first boyfriend|girlfriend, your first day of school. All of these experiences left an impression in your subconscious – good or bad. When was the last time you and your spouse tried something new together. For example, my husband started a new job recently. He likes telling me about his day, but I find that although I enjoy hearing his stories, I’m only really able to understand the gist of the story because I wasn’t there. ..we didn’t encounter these! In marriage, like ice cream or cake, when you find something you like, you generally stick to it so trying new things isn’t something we set out to do.

If dining somewhere new isn’t an option there are several other ideas that maybe you haven’t done together yet. You can do instead like:

Watch the sunset.
Lay out and watch clouds.
Sit at a bench in the mall and people watch.
Listen to a new podcast or a few chapters of a book on Kindle.
Take a walk.
Workout.
Go roller skating.
Let your spouse pick your outfit (yes I said it ladies).
Give each other pedicures.
Bake a cake.
Volunteer at a soup kitchen.
Go to a college football game.

P.S. I know how some of us are when it comes to food, and I PROMISE I’m not trying to start a fight, so pick from the list if you like. LOL

PRAYER

Dear God, Renew a spirit of curiousity. As my husband I seek to find new things to do together, allow this to be yet another marriage strengthening activity for us. Please help these efforts be blessed and draw us nearer to you.

CONCLUSION

to be continued…

Your Girl,

lesliesignature

MARRIAGE CONVERSATIONS|14 DAY RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGE – DAY 6

October 10, 2015October 17, 2015 | FASHION du jour

marriage conversations

14 DAY RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGE DAY 6

CHALLENGE: SEND A FLIRTY TEXT. REAL INTIMACY TAKES PLACE IN THE MIND. LET YOUR SPOUSE KNOW HE|SHE IS STILL THE OBJECT OF YOUR AFFECTION.

There’s not much explaining that needs to be done with this task. Whip out your phone and let your fingers do the talking. LOL The reason I came up with this task is because letting your spouse know that you are still attracted to him|her is an absolute necessity in marriage. It’s not something you can simply assume and yes even husbands need to be reminded that they are desired. In marriage, it’s easy to make assumptions about our spouses. We assume they’ll put gas in the car because the light is on. We assume they’ll take out the trash because it’s overflowing. We assume they know we love them. Better yet, we assume they FEEL loved. We justify our lack of action by saying, “They should know still I’m attracted to her|him,” or “We’ve been married this long and they still don’t know I’m attracted to them???” Just as easy as it is to assume your spouse knows, is as easy as it is for your spouse to assume the opposite because your actions are speaking louder than your words. Ladies and gentlemen, make sure your spouse feels loved. Give them attention. Attention requires time. Time identifies what’s important to you, and what’s important to you should be your marriage.

PRAYER

Dear God, let me show my husband that I am still attracted to him by my actions and words. Help me to always be mindful of the times that he is not feeling loved or needs a little extra and make myself available to show him love in my words and actions. Thank you God for allowing me stewardship over my husband’s heart. Help me to remember to not only handle his heart carefully and gently, but to continue to fill it with love, respect, attention and affection. Lord, remove anything and everything from me that would prevent me from being teh wife you designed me to be for my husband. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

CONCLUSION

to be continued…

MARRIAGE CONVERSATIONS|14 DAY RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGE – DAY 5

October 9, 2015October 17, 2015 | FASHION du jour

MARRIAGE CONVERSATIONS

14 DAY RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGE DAY 5

CHALLENGE: TELL YOUR SPOUSE SOMETHING NICE IN FRONT OF OTHERS.

It only takes a second to say something nice so when it comes to our spouses, we should be making extra efforts to let our spouses know how we feel about them. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like the occasional public compliment. Even at work, when you’re sitting through that Friday afternoon meeting thinking about what you’re going to have for dinner and your boss recognizes you for something super awesome you did that week. Sure, it’s awkward and you never really know how to respond in those moments, but it still feels good to be recognized. Am I right? Praising your spouse in the company of others goes a long way. It’s kind of like having a witness to your awesomeness. Take for example receiving a bouquet of flowers at work. Isn’t it true that flowers are brighter and smell sweeter when you get them at work. Why is that? It’s because it adds credibility to the fact that you’re really the awesome wife you claim to be. But really, complimenting your spouse in public fills that natural human need of wanting to feel desired. As a spouse, it’s our job to make sure that need is met.

So for today, I thought telling your spouse something nice in front of others would earn you some brownie points.

PRAYER

Dear God, I thank you for using me in this space to encourage your people in marriage. I ask that you would help me to remember how important it is to acknowledge my husbands good qualities in public. Let me praise my husband for the little things and the big things he does. Amen

OBSERVATION

To be continued…

Your Girl,

MARRIAGE CONVERSATIONS | 14 DAY RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGE – DAY 4

October 8, 2015October 17, 2015 | FASHION du jour

MARRIAGE CONVERSATIONS

14 DAY RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGE DAY 4

CHALLENGE: Take a drive with no destination and phones out of sight.

When’s the last time you and your spouse hopped in the car and just drove? Probably when gas prices were a few dollars cheaper, right? In our home, those rides have a purpose…SLEEPY RIDES. Usually these rides are prompted by a child or two having way too much energy, way too late at night. We all hop in the car and end up across town, rolling through a fast food drive thru sipping a shake. During these rides, once we realize the kids have fallen asleep (if we’re lucky), my husband and I have a chance to talk. We talk about everything and nothing, but we talk. I enjoy these moments. There’s no agenda. Just talking. These conversations always remind me of the days before kids and all the random talks we would have. My husband is the kind of person you enjoy talking to. He’s funny, genuine and opinionated. He doesn’t hold his tongue. I love that about him. He’s all the things I’m not but deep down inside wish I was more of. He bring out the best in me.

My vision for this prompt was born out of the idea of an intimate get-away vacation . Sure, your typical idea of a get-away is probably something along the lines of a fantastic trip to a tropical island…all expense paid, but down frown upon this instant substitute. The wonderful thing about a get-away vacation is that it gives you time to hit the reset button. You have an opportunity to talk and learn more about each other. So, consider this get-away your chance to hit the reset button and learn about each other.

PRAYER

Dear God, you know the desires or my heart and the desires for my marriage. Help me to continue to serve my husband and honor him with love and respect. Give us eyes to recognize moments of opportunity to connect so that our marriage might be strengthened but the more and we will be a living testimony of your greatness. Amen.