Benefit of the Doubt

There are so many things I’ve learned during this short time that I’ve been married, but one of the things that stands out most is knowing when to give the benefit of the doubt.  I probably shared this story before but it’s just such a great example of appreciating others differences and life experiences that I thought it would be appropriate to share again.

Before Jonathan and I were married, we were required by our pastor {his dad} to take pre-marital counseling.  During this time of learning about each other we discovered an awful lot.  It was pretty eye opening to lay it all out on the table and be vulnerable in front of a third party {even though it was his dad}…and he decided to marry me anyways.  LOL  

Of all the things we learned about each other, the one that was most interesting came about after being asked a “simple” question, “What do you dislike the most about your partner?”  Talk about a loaded question.  I forgot what I said about Jonathan, but we both remember what he said about me.  He said he disliked how I scooped ice cream out of the carton with a spoon rather than the ice cream scooper.  I was completely caught off guard.  Here I was thinking he was going to say something huge and obvious, but no, it was how I scooped my ice cream.  I asked for an explanation to which he replied that didn’t understand why I “preferred” to grab the biggest spoon I could find to scoop ice cream into my bowl rather than just using the ice cream scooper.   I defended myself by explaining that my family didn’t own an ice cream scooper when I was little.  We would grab a spoon and a bowl and have at it, so it was only natural that I would do this in my adulthood and not think twice about it.  Further, I reassured him that I would never do something just to annoy him {no matter how upset I was with him} and it was troublesome that he would think that I would be so petty to behave that way.  It may seem minor, but at that moment he and I both took a step back and looked at each other in a way we hadn’t before.  A foundation of appreciating our differences and life experiences had formed.  It might have seemed like a minor conversation, but this realization left a lasting impression for each of us. 

To this day the ice cream scooper conversation is almost like a cornerstone in our relationship.  I’ll speak for myself and say that anytime Jon does something that annoys me {and regardless of how perfect your spouse is, there will be a day when he or she gets on your last last nerve} I remind myself that he loves me with his whole heart and 9.999 times out of 10 this behavior isn’t an attempt to get under my skin, it’s just simply a slice of who he is and it’s natural to him… then I say a prayer and remember my to pick my battles wisely.  LOL

Honestly though, when you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story.  Everyone has gone through something that has changed them, and forced them to grow for better or worse.  Every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as compelling and complicated as yours.  There’s no such thing as an ordinary person.  If you give them a chance, everyone has something amazing to offer.  So appreciate the possibility of new relationships and embrace them knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory.  Trust your judgment.  Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.