I Go to Sleep Like This!

You know how grandparents and parent of teenage or adult children always say, “enjoy your kids while they’re young because they’re not young for long!”  Well, of course, the part about them not being kids for ever is true, but does that mean I have to yearn for each and every moment?

Hear me out, I’m pretty sure I won’t miss getting baby boo boo on my hands while trying to wrestle a diaper onto a baby’s booty.  I’m pretty sure I won’t long for the early morning soothing melody of hollering matches on the way to school while I’m trying to beat the yellow light just in time to hear the late bell ring at school. Aand, I’m pretty sure I won’t yearn for the bouts of tears, bribing and begging at the dinner table in an effort to get one particular food snob to eat a single grain of rice so that he can have a bowl of ice cream.  Most of all, and I know the hubs would agree, I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m not going to miss the 4 x 4 inches of mattress that my kids so generously allow me to sleep in every night.  Okay, I’m exaggerating, it’s more like 2 x 2 inches of mattress.  And they don’t let me off that easy, they make sure I know from whom the blessing comes from by wrenching a knee, elbow, heel – really any pointy bodily extremity – into my face, chest, thigh, back, esophagus you name it.  The little one Jayde is even in on it too and she’s the biggest offender.

Now, the kids each have their own beds.  Jaxon has a queen for heaven’s sake.  When they finally go to sleep at night, hubby takes them to their room and puts them to bed.  PAUSE – okay so you’re probably saying why do we let them fall asleep in our bed to begin with.  Trust me, we’ve tried the whole sleep in your own bed bit and it never goes over well.  The task of just getting 3 kids to sleep before 10 p.m. is a momentous feat.  So, hubbytakes them to their rooms and they sleep…until about 2 maybe 3 a.m. All of a sudden, the thunder of tiny feet stampeding down the hallway before softly turning the door knob signals “the beginning”.  Tip-toeing around the bed, Jaxon and Julia secure the perimeter. Jayde isn’t crawling out of her crib yet, but her grand entrance comes a little later in the routine.  Jaxon and Julia then both come over to my side of the bed.  Jaxon lifts the covers just enough to allow the arctic freeze to engulf me.  He crawls over me, being careful to knee me in the chest before completing his dismount onto the mattress between daddy and I.  Julia has a much more patient plan of attack.  She stands directly in front of my face and stares at me with her pillow up to her nose.  With the window to her back, all I see is a massive silhouette of hair when I open my eyes.  It’s actually a bit creepy.  I haven’t figured it out yet because she may actually be sleep walking but f I take to long to peek my eye open she whispers, “Mommy” repeatedly until I open my eyes.  With my full attention, she crawls into bed making sure to take any semblance of a blanket, bed sheet or cover off of me, but only after she’s ripped the pillow from under my head.

By now, my half of the Cal King size bed has been diminished to a quarter.  I’m freezing, sleepy and you might as well throw hungry in there too.  If I could just touch the hem of the comforter.  LOL  Smashed against the headboard curled into the fetal position, I manage to drift to sleep, just moments before I hear a distant familiar cry.  I must be bionic woman because amazingly no one in the entire house seems to hear this cry but me.  Even though I recognize Jayde’s cry and can distinguish between sleepy, hungry, irritated or sick, I spring out of the bed and clumsily race to her beckoning call.  When I enter her room, she’s wondering what in sam hill took me so long and immediately wipes snot on me to thank me for taking my sweet time.  On auto-pilot, I change her diaper, dry her face and carry her into our bedroom.  She prefers to sleep next to daddy, let me rephrase that, I prefer she sleeps next to daddy and so I place her closest to him.  Immediately, she outstretches her arms and legs to make sure she has ample space around all four sides of her.  Jayde has 3 simple rules when she allows you to sleep with her.  Number 1, only she can touch you, you cannot touch her.  And by touch that means she may or may not sling her leg onto your Adams apple or headbutt you at any given time of the night.  Number 2, she must be perpendicular to daddy and one other body at all times, with her feet in daddy’s back.  And number 3, she must breathe her hot moist baby breath into someone’s face for the duration of a minimum 45 minutes.  Lovely!

The good thing is that once they’re all in bed, they’re all sound asleep.  I, on the other hand, have retreated to my familiar 4 x 4 at the foot of the bed, wedged between daddy’s feet and the wooden foot-board.  But alas, the jokes on them, good thing I have my trusty miniature pillow about the size of  a cupcake saucer (and about as soft) that I can tuck under my head .  But guess what, just as I fall to sleep, I’m saved by the bell as the 5 a.m. alarm clock sounds.

Ahh!  Nothing like a good night’s sleep!  LOL

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  Now get up and go be awesome today!

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12 thoughts on “I Go to Sleep Like This!

  1. Oh, this made laugh, cry and smile BIG! I only have one 15 year old daughter but I love when she falls asleep in my bed…single mom! I’d love to get married again and experience all of the above. 41 years old and still wanting babies… Lord, where is BOAZ!? LOL!

  2. You just brought some sanity into my life. I’m not alone!!! YAY! My son HAS to have some part of his body touching me or my husband at all times during his sleep. His latest kick to my pregnant belly put hubby in high gear to making him sleep in his own toddler bed. We still have a baby monitor in his room so we can hear when he’s up. He cries out the most saddening, heart-wrenching, Oscar-winning, “Mooommmmmyyyyyyy” in the middle of the night so I can come get him. LOL!!! I’ve learned that when he’s in the bed, I have to have my back towards him. Even then, I can feel his breath on the back of my neck, and his knee in my back. Oh the joys!!!! I’ll miss it one day…maybe!

  3. Oh so I’m not alone? Thank heavens no, we’ve been doing this dance with Tatiana my angel baby since she was a baby. Now she is 5 years old, her own beautifully decorated room and refuses to spend more than 5 hours max in her own bed.I laughed through your entire description because gosh does that sound like us minus 2 kids. Thankfully my 9 year old loves his room and his bed so we have no issues there. On the rare occasion that she sleeps the entire night in her own bed, I race to check on her in the morning once I realize that we actually got to get some sleep. Secretly I do love her holding me tightly and kissing me in her sleep, she is such a sweety but Mommy needs her rest and she ain’t getting it with HRC taking over the bed.

  4. OMGOSH! This sounds soooo very familiar! I suspect we all (parents) have very similiar trials and tribulations. Lol!!!!
    As each child of mine reached the point of not wanting to invade my sleeping quarters, I found myself actually missing the fact that they actually wanted to sleep near me. Strangely, I miss the little aliens at night. I love to watch them dream and smile and giggle in their sleep. I only have one left that hasn’t flown the coup entirely (much to my husbands dismay) I secretly love when the my last baby bird creeps into my room, kisses my face and curl his little body up next to me and falls back to sleep. What can be sweeter than that? All those days & nights of intermittent sleep are all very much worth it when you look back over their lives reflecting on the “yesterday’s”. I do have to agree with the poo&puke though…#IWILLNEVERMISSTHAT!!!! Amen :-)

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